Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast

Episode 178 | Prepare Your Marriage so You Won't Have to Repair it Later

• Travis Rosinger and Dawn Rosinger

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Fix your leaking tire over and over again by putting air in it or drop it off at the tire shop to prepare it for getting new tires? Which makes more sense? The right answer is get the new tires and never have to deal with fixing the old tires again! It's the same way in marriage. Are you and your spouse always trying to repair something broken with your relationship only to have new cracks emerge later on due to the fact that that portion of your relationship was never really mended to begin with? It's time to change that. YOU can change that!!

Join hosts, Travis and Dawn Rosinger, as they share about the concept of preparing in marriage and repairing in marriage. They give relevant examples on how any couple can begin to prepare their marriage for a much better future and one with a lot less relational repairs. Get ready to laugh and learn as Travis and Dawn get vulnerable about life, marriage and their own shortcomings. You won't want to miss this one!

Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping -  What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You

For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight

Travis Rosinger:

Man, you could be doing anything else right now, but you have tuned in and we are so glad. Well, with that, welcome to the loving the fight marriage podcast. My name is Travis and I'm hanging out chilling in our basement studio with my wife Dawn.

Dawn Rosinger:

Hey everyone. So, travis, let me ask if you weren't doing this right now, what would you be doing right now?

Travis Rosinger:

What would I be doing? I'd be studying Swedish, probably sipping something like hot tea and just having my feet up, relaxing yeah.

Dawn Rosinger:

Oh, no, makes it. I would do something very active. I love to be active, so I would either be playing pickleball or I'd be, you know, working out, running something active. But honestly, I must admit, we love being able to be do this podcast. It's one of our highlights of our week, so I don't know if much can get better than this.

Travis Rosinger:

I know it's literally. It's funny you mentioned that because I got super excited when we headed down here and got ready to record. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so much fun. Well, we're glad that you guys again are listening and we've had a great week and a not so great week. There are some things that kind of made our week really really good or are about to make our week extra good. I should say your week done because you ordered something in the mail a bit of a splurge, but I think it's something that you're super amped on.

Dawn Rosinger:

I am super excited. I ordered a new pair of shoes and I keep looking at the tracking and it says they're supposed to come today and, honestly, it is almost eight o'clock at night and they haven't come yet. So I'm wondering if they're going to come. But I am pumped. They are just a really cool Nike tennis shoe that I've been just looking at and I'm like you know what? I'm just going to order them. I want these. I had some bonus money you did.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, and people are like what's bonus money? Kind of like little refunds that you get here and there, a little bonus money that you weren't counting, that wasn't a part of your budget. It's bonus money. So I took it and I bought these really cool Nikes.

Travis Rosinger:

And you know what I think you should do. I think you should send up the bat signal you know that goes up into the sky to let them know that we need their help. We need them to drop off these new shoes, that you are so excited to be able to have their Air Force ones.

Dawn Rosinger:

They're just a kind of a double swish. I love the color. Yeah, I'm looking forward to wearing them.

Travis Rosinger:

So a great week, as long as they come tonight at eight o'clock. You got to order them online last week so I know that, you know, really put some wind in your sales. But it was a not so great week, just to be honest, guys. I had surgery in my mouth, kind of like dental surgery, and this is like part two.

Travis Rosinger:

I had it like five months ago, six months ago, and it worked. But it didn't work, and so then they had to do it again, and so that was last Monday and they were in my mouth for what felt like an hour and a half, two hours like drilling and scraping and moving things around literally moving things around, because part of it is like a grafting kind of surgery, and so, man, I feel great and typically you love going to the dentist.

Dawn Rosinger:

It wasn't necessarily a dentist, but because genetically some of your gums had recessed a little bit and we have a great periodontist who said that they could graft some gums in there, just in that one little area.

Travis Rosinger:

Neured, so then your teeth would be healthy in that area Protected Great smile.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's crazy that they can do it, but something that they did, and so we're hoping that this one is successful. But it's crazy, because you were told that you couldn't do what for three weeks.

Travis Rosinger:

I could not smile, and that's part of why it's not been a great week. Certainly, the surgery felt like it got punched in the mouth, but I'm a smiler. You are, you're constantly smiling.

Dawn Rosinger:

Now I know like you have to put your hand over your lip over that one Over my cheek, my lip yeah to make sure that you're not smiling. So it's been an odd week. I feel bad. I know you're over, the majority of the pain I think is gone, but you keep putting your hand on your cheek.

Travis Rosinger:

Still can't smile. So then you can't smile. But yeah, I'm like I don't think this word works, but I'm a prolific smiler. You are Obsessive smile, I'm just happy.

Dawn Rosinger:

You are a very happy person.

Travis Rosinger:

I love to smile and life is very, very good.

Dawn Rosinger:

Right, and so why you were recovering on the couch from this surgery. I ordered shoes. I didn't say that's not a very fair trade, right? I had bonus money and ordered shoes and you got surgery and you can't smile.

Travis Rosinger:

I got punched in the mouth.

Dawn Rosinger:

I kinda got the better end of the deal this week.

Travis Rosinger:

What the heck just happened. That is so not fair.

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, you guys, I know we talk about a lot different books that we read. We wanna make sure that we're reading God's word every day, but then just growing as a leader and growing ourselves, and so we read books or we have Audible, so we listen to books.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, both.

Dawn Rosinger:

Right now. I just finished a book. A few weeks ago we both did Hidden Potential, which we highly recommend. Oh my gosh so good. But then I'm just in the middle of the book called Be the Unicorn by William VanderBloom and honestly, it's just 12 data-driven habits that separate the best leaders from the rest. So basically it talks about how to stand out in a crowd. Be the unicorn. Unicorns definitely stand out in the crowd right?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, you know, I think of being a unicorn. It's like I wanna be a unicorn, but I wanna also not stab people.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, with the big horn and sticks out of my head.

Travis Rosinger:

And so when I move quickly I just have lots of energy and kind of a hyped person. And man, if I just whipped my head around and I truly had a unicorn sticking out of my head, like I would impale somebody on my forehead you would, it would be dangerous.

Dawn Rosinger:

You shouldn't be the unicorn in that sense. You could be a unicorn of a leader, but not an actual unicorn, but again, the book's called Be the Unicorn by William VanderBloom.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's a very good book. I'm almost finished with it now, but I started it last week and I began the book in the beginning, which is always a forward. Someone typically writes something about the book, and the forward in this book was written by John Maxwell and he said this quote and it just got me thinking. You know one of those quotes that you're hearing. You're like man, like what does this look like? So I kind of dug into a little bit more. But the quote is this every day we are either preparing or repairing. He then said it is better to prepare than repair. And so I was thinking about this. It just really got my mind going. I'm like, okay, prepare versus repair, like what's better. You know what is he trying to say.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, kind of like a mental bomb. It just blows up. You're like, okay, I got to hang out. There's fallout from this mental bomb. I just got to think this through and get a feel like what should this look like? What could it look like?

Dawn Rosinger:

And it's so cool because it actually rhymes too. So you're like you're really making it. It kind of makes it stick. You know, better to prepare than repair. So what does that mean? What are some examples? What does it look like to prepare rather than to repair? So I was able to find some of them. We just we talked about it a little bit more. I'm like what are some examples? So how about this? It's better to take an umbrella than to get caught in the rain, right?

Travis Rosinger:

I mean honestly, look at how long it takes me to do my hair. I hate getting rained on too, I'd rather just take the umbrella.

Dawn Rosinger:

Or it's better to follow a budget than to run out of money. Oh my Like, follow the budget, then you won't run out of money.

Travis Rosinger:

Who wants to run out of money?

Dawn Rosinger:

It's better to tighten a loose screw than to damage a chair or a machine. I know that happens upstairs in our chairs. Sometimes the screw is loose and you have to tighten it, otherwise your chair will destroy. It's better to invest while younger than play catch up when older. A couple other examples of this is it's better to change your oil than to replace your engine, and I think anyone that's younger needs to know that.

Travis Rosinger:

That's funny. I think a Bob Goff who said his dad gave him a truck and said you got to keep changing the oil and he said he drove it over 100,000 miles and never once changed the oil and then of course it blew up when I had my first car.

Dawn Rosinger:

I never changed the oil, but I just kept adding oil to it. Because, no one ever told me that should change it. They just said don't ever let it get lower than a certain point. So I just kept adding oil. Well, I guess I didn't have that car very long. Maybe that's why. Another example of this is it's better to see a dentist when your tooth hurts than when it needs replacing Right Like we, you just want to the dentist, but yeah, you don't want to have to replace a tooth, I want to take care of what I have.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's better to go to a grocery store and take a list with you than to have to go back to that store later Like that's a bummer and maybe for you it's better for me to text you that list than to tag you with that one. Or, lastly, it's better to drink water than become dehydrated. So you can see that those are just examples of preparing rather than having to repair.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and you know, I just think it makes life more efficient. Everything goes more smoothly, you enjoy life better, and you know it's interesting because there are some real spiritual ties there as well, when we think of that in terms of spirituality. The Bible talks about us being ready, being prepared spiritually, and so it's not just with the things that the examples that you gave Don, but also in other ways. I mean, jesus said in Matthew 24, 42, he says so always be ready, in other words, be prepared, because you don't know the day your Lord will come.

Dawn Rosinger:

Wow, that's important Be ready. It makes you stop and think okay, what do I have to be ready for?

Travis Rosinger:

I know, and there ain't no repair, and when the Lord comes you might just miss him.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, you don't want to be left behind.

Travis Rosinger:

You don't, and you know Paul the apostle. He writes in 2 Timothy about being prepared. He says preach the word and then he says be ready to do it. Whether it's convenient or inconvenient, be ready.

Dawn Rosinger:

How can you preach the word if you're not ready? You? Have to know the word, to preach the word.

Travis Rosinger:

You got to study it, you got to listen to it, you got to submerge your mind and your soul and your spirit in it. And first Peter 315, it says but in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason, for the hope that is in you. Wow, man, be prepared. That's a constant theme in the Bible, but especially in the New Testament, and so it just makes sense. It makes sense to prepare rather than have to repair, and I'm so glad that John Maxwell made that statement, because you know it really is a huge chunk golden nugget, chunk of wisdom.

Dawn Rosinger:

For some reason, this makes me think of when you're about to start a race and it's like ready, set, go. You have to get in that position, that ready position, set and go. And I don't think you can just go without getting ready. You have to be ready.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and think of everything that a runner has to do prior to that. Certainly they got to be ready to just you know vault out of that, you know that place for the you know kickoff of the race. But then there was probably a year or two is worth of preparation.

Dawn Rosinger:

Oh, tons of preparation, otherwise you get left in the dust.

Travis Rosinger:

So here it is. The fact is that it's wise to prepare. When we prepare here's what happens we greatly reduce the likelihood of the need to repair. It's so important to prepare.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, as I was reading this book, it kind of T-boned me, because reading this made me think about marriage and, in the same way, how are you preparing now in your marriage so you don't have to repair? So we stopped Travis this a few, you know, minutes ago and like what are some different ways that we have to prepare so we don't have to repair in our marriage? Instantly the first thing that came to my mind is are you spending time with God in building that relationship with him, or will you run dry and become spiritually bankrupt and not walk in the fruits of the spirit, causing a lot of conflict? Like don't you think that's huge in marriage? Or how about this? Are you going out on dates and growing your relationship so that when you empty nest you haven't grown apart? Take the time to get to know each other so you're not growing apart?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and empty nesting for those of you that don't know is when you kick the little people that have actually become big people their adults out of your basement, your house, and they spread their wings and fly and it's like, hey, we wanna know each other, we wanna have a relationship with each other, so what?

Dawn Rosinger:

are we doing?

Travis Rosinger:

right now with our little, and there's so many of you that have little ones right now that are listening, and so go on those dates.

Dawn Rosinger:

Make sure you're preparing now so you don't have to repair later. How about this? Communication is such an important thing when it comes to marriage? Are you communicating daily to avoid simple conflicts that have to do with just your time or your schedule? Just letting your spouse know, hey, I'm gonna be doing this today. I'm not gonna be here to avoid that conflict?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and it helps so much to just keep those channels flowing and stay on the same page.

Dawn Rosinger:

Honestly, what does this look like for your marriage? How are you preparing so you can avoid repairing later on? Is your marriage living in a state of preparing, or is it living in a state of repairing?

Travis Rosinger:

Oh my, that's a great question. Is your marriage living in a state of preparing or repairing? And why am I repeating that? Because, Don, you and I are living that example right now, not so much in our marriage, but here's an example from literally what feels like an hour ago. We bought a brand new set of tires. A year ago on our SUV.

Dawn Rosinger:

I don't think it was a whole year yet.

Travis Rosinger:

Nine months ago and from the moment we got them it's like okay, they would lose some air and we'd fill them up. And it would be like every month we'd have to fill them up. And now it's gotten to the point where it's almost like every week and a half, two weeks we've got to fill them up.

Dawn Rosinger:

they're losing air. We've brought these tires back three times, like our car in we're like and said, hey, tires are not keeping air. What's wrong?

Travis Rosinger:

This has never happened to us in our life. Yeah, so the but the point is is, we can keep adding air to our tires or we can just go back in one last time, a fourth time and say okay, guys, put new tires on.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yes, we're done with these. Something that happened with these tires they're not working.

Travis Rosinger:

We'll take the warranty, throw the money on new tires, we're done with them. Why? Because then we're preparing to get new tires by bringing it back, and then we won't have to fill up the air anymore. We don't have to fix it, and that's fixing. It is like a bandage, just putting more air in the tires. And so what does that look like in your marriage? What does that look like in your relationship?

Dawn Rosinger:

There's an incredible quote by Benjamin Franklin. He said this by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. It's like you're almost you know planning to fail. If you're not preparing, then you're planning on failing. We have to prepare.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, you are preparing to fail because you're not being intentional. And being intentional is absolutely what we need If you're going to fight for your marriage. That's why we're loving the fight, that's why we're doing this podcast, that's why we fight for one another down and you and I go on dates all the time and try to really stay connected. And we're not perfect. We have arguments and fight each other sometimes.

Dawn Rosinger:

We know that we have to prepare in order so we don't have to repair. And sometimes we have to repair. We're still human and we definitely make mistakes, but let's live in that state of preparation.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, absolutely Well. Hey guys, we wanted to, as we turn a corner and wind this episode down, we wanted to give you five simple ways to prepare in your marriage and honestly, there could be 20 or 30 other ways. This is not a comprehensive list, but this is a great mini-list, just kind of a shot in the arm for your marriage. As you listen to this, individually or with your spouse, here's some quick things you can do to really prepare so that you're not repairing later on. First of all, just invest in time together. We can't say this enough. There's something powerful about time together where it has nothing to do with kids, has nothing to do with your jobs or finances or arguing about life. No, no, no. Just have fun together.

Dawn Rosinger:

Have fun, laugh. Yeah, enjoy life together.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, make memories and spend time and get to know other things about each other that maybe you never even knew. Do crazy things together, fun things, yeah, absolutely. Another thing is focus on you, not your spouse, becoming more Christ-like, and so instead of always going, okay, don you need to become more Christ-like, you're the problem in our marriage? No, instead, one way that I can prepare so that we're not repairing later on is to say, okay, how can Travis become more Christ-like? What can I do? What needs to change in me? Oh God, and praying that prayer.

Dawn Rosinger:

As much as we want our spouses to change, we can't change them. But we can change ourselves and we can allow God to change our spouses. But focus on your own growth and changing yourself.

Travis Rosinger:

We also want to recommend to adopt a positive view of marriage and especially your relationship. In other words, imagine and assume that your marriage is going to be 10 times better in a year than it is right now. Just assume the best for the future. I was talking to a woman the other day about her spouse and her marriage and she had mentioned how long they had been married and she told me she said she used to pray that God would restore her marriage because it had gone through some issues and she said but finally she woke up one day and she said, no, I don't want God to restore my marriage. Forget that. I want God to give me a 10 times better marriage.

Travis Rosinger:

I want a way better.

Dawn Rosinger:

I don't want the old marriage that I used to have. I want a brand new one A better one.

Dawn Rosinger:

That's an incredible outlook. That's what I want for our marriage, man. Continue to make it better, god. Another way to prepare in your marriage is to decide what about your relationship pulls each other further apart, and swap or get rid of those activities or habits for things that pull you together as a couple. So what's pulling you apart? Get rid of those things and only go after those things that are pulling you together, bringing you together as a couple.

Travis Rosinger:

They're distractions and they are worth having in your life. And why not add the things that really bond you together, right you?

Dawn Rosinger:

know honestly, guys, this can be so many different things. It can be sports, it can be hobbies, it can be substances. There's so many things that could pull you further apart. But man, swap it and say, no, I'm done with those things. And what about this? What about? If something needs to change, change it now. Don't wait, don't ignore it. Maybe, if you need to forget, forgive now. Break a habit. If you have a bad habit, I get rid of it. Change your negative attitude Again. If something needs to change, don't wait to do it later. Change it right now.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and that's the preparing, so you don't have to repair later on where the negative attitude destroys the marriage, or the habit or addiction destroys the marriage, or that unforgiveness that you just keep. It keeps building up and pretty soon it's like a truckload, a dumb truckload, full of unforgiveness, and the marriage is squashed.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's dead. Yeah, absolutely, you know. We just want to leave you with this again what Benjamin Franklin said by failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail. So look at your marriage. Are you failing to prepare or are you preparing to fail?

Travis Rosinger:

Man, powerful words. Well, hey guys, we want to thank you for listening to this episode of the loving the fight marriage podcast.

Dawn Rosinger:

Remember, you can do it. You got this. Keep loving the fight. We'll see you next time.