Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast

Episode 172 | Why You and Your Spouse Need a Marriage Hero

• Travis Rosinger and Dawn Rosinger

Share episode

We live in a world where if someone has a talent, a platform, athleticism or beauty then we suddenly feel like we have to build them an altar and worship them for what could possibly be God given, superficial or fake. Even if what they have is  real, should we really be pouring our attention and adoration on people who may ultimately fail us? Maybe not. What if there was a real hero who was worth our attention that could change our marriage in ways we never dreamed? Guess what? There is. The Marriage Hero exist!

Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger as they focus on how every marriage needs a marriage hero, someone who has the ability to shape attitudes, actions and beliefs, a person who can enter the center of any relationship and save the day. Heroes do heroic things. How about inviting the ultimate hero to come save your marriage and make it better? This episode is listenable, shareable, and one you won't want to miss!

Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping -  What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You

For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, if you're tuning in today and you're looking to learn a lesson from an influencer, an Academy Award winner, a gold medalist or a superstar singer, musician who travels the world, then you're definitely listening to the wrong podcast. But if you want to hear from real people living real lives and fighting for what matters most, then you're in the right place. On that note, I want to welcome you to the Loving the Fight Marriage Podcast. My name is Dawn and I'm sitting here with my husband and my co-host, travis.

Travis Rosinger:

Wow, you nailed it, Dawn. Yes, I'm Travis, but I love that intro because it's true we're just regular people and we're fighting the good fight. We're so glad that you guys are tuning in and listening today.

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, I'm sure you're wondering why did I kick off this episode with the fact that we're just everyday, real people with normal five-day-a-week jobs, people who don't have some crazy platform and, honestly, we don't want one?

Travis Rosinger:

Nope, why did we start off?

Dawn Rosinger:

this episode that way? Well, because it's actually the topic of our episode today. We love heroes. We love heroes, but not all heroes. We believe more in everyday heroes than we do with the models, the actors and influencers that live lives that aren't that real, anyway they're just fake.

Travis Rosinger:

They're not. So many of those lives are just like in front of a camera or kind of put together so that they look a certain way they're untouchable. Unreal not relatable.

Dawn Rosinger:

Most of what we see in those who are famous is what their publicist or maybe their PR person wants us to see. But I think, travis, you and I personally as a couple and as individuals, need heroes that are like you guys, that are listening to the regular people who are fighting for their marriages and fighting to grow as a person, while holding down the craziness of normal life that's just filled with jobs and kids, overflowing calendars and the pressure to stay healthy with no time left in your day. Sometimes we get to bed like where did that day just go?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, oh man, these are the best kind of heroes, the kind of heroes that live real lives and they're not fake. And yet, somehow they're living for what's right, what matters, and they're doing the best they can. And they're not only surviving, they're thriving. Those are the best kind of heroes. I love those kind of heroes.

Dawn Rosinger:

And there are so many of those heroes listening right now. And that's what we are. We're just like you, just two regular people, Travis and Don. We're broken and flawed individuals who still get irritated over small, goofy things and we say and do stupid things at times, but who love Jesus and need his help to accomplish anything of value in our lives. We know we're nothing without Jesus.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh man, we absolutely need him. And the reality is we're not trying to say we're heroes, we're just trying to say we're regular, everyday people trying to do heroic things, trying to fight the good fight, and it is so much fun, it is such a privilege to be alive and to be making a difference in the world. As many of you that are listening, that's what you're doing every day and it matters. Now, sadly, as we think about heroes, our heroes have died more than once. What do we mean? Well, so many of the people that we have looked up to that we kind of propped up as kids Don you and I grown up, yeah, idolized kind of yeah idolized.

Travis Rosinger:

So many of them have let us down. Many of the famous heroes seem to fall into trouble and fail us every day. Now, hold that thought. We want to talk, though for just a second, about some of those heroes that we had growing up. Don, what about you? And we're not talking about heroes that did fail, it's just like hey, who did you idolize? Who did you look up to growing up as a young person?

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, the heroes I feel like were not, that weren't touchable in my life, meaning that they were really big. I was into sports, so I keep thinking of like Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson, because I was basketball fans. So I was like, hey, those are everyday heroes. Did I ever meet them? No, well, I ever meet them. Yeah, I remember as well my first songs, christian CDs, back in the day. I'm going to date myself a little bit.

Travis Rosinger:

I was going to say what are CDs? That's where you put money in the bank cash on deposit. I'm kidding, but like that's from a way back, right absolutely Well.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, some of my favorite Christian CDs back in the day were Amy Grant and Michael W Smith. Those were some of my first CDs and I just they were my heroes because I loved their voice and I loved the way they sing and I loved what they were singing about. But then I'd had some other heroes who you know, I was able to sometimes meet, you know, get a hug from or talk about their life, and there were just speakers that were at my camps, or speakers who came to my church, maybe missionaries or people who live these crazy wild lives for Jesus, and I was just always amazed at all that they did, and so they were my everyday heroes.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, those are some good ones, and especially Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson.

Dawn Rosinger:

I just love their haircuts Right yeah, they were really good basketball players. They have great haircuts, but killer basketball players.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, I think. Growing up as I think back, you know, to my younger years, even my teenage years, I remember buying the number one issue for Spider-Man and as a young person I just like fell in love with the idea of comic book heroes or super heroes.

Dawn Rosinger:

You have some of those still. I still do. The last time we moved, I remember looking in your memory box. I'm like there's some of your comic books. They're there in plastic. They're probably worth money. I think they're in perfect condition. We should sell them.

Travis Rosinger:

They're probably worth five bucks or a half a million. I have no idea Not gonna get rid of them. But yeah, spider-man, I always thought, wow, this is so cool, what a great story. You know, this guy, who I believe is his dad, grandfather who was raising him, gets killed or his grandma, and then he goes around and he fights. The bad guys Love that story, or the Green Lantern was another one of them. I also looked up to politicians and you could tell I was younger than-.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, you must have wised up since then, don't really?

Travis Rosinger:

have that same. You know, idolization, I guess, of those kinds of people. But I mean, I love the ones from American history. You know, like people like Abraham Lincoln or George Washington, I was fascinated by them. But also you know, like Ronald Reagan or John F Kennedy, some really great politicians in terms of how they carried themselves, how they behaved and some of the things that they would do as they led.

Travis Rosinger:

But of course, kind of like you, Don, growing up in church I had some incredible pastors. I think one of them was my youth pastor, who was also a speech writer, and I probably talked to him about him before on this podcast, but he would come be our youth pastor on Wednesday night, but he I had a full-time job of writing speeches for politicians. Oh, that's pretty cool, yeah, yeah, and the Congress there in the state of Arizona, and so he was so intelligent, so fun to be around him, just like, and then he just oozed, Jesus, he was such a cool guy. But then, of course, I mean those are heroes that we've idolized, looked up to and that you know we're great heroes, but we've also had heroes who have failed us.

Travis Rosinger:

I mean, as you think, Don, who comes to your mind, like not naming names, but a hero that has failed you.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, I think when I think of like untouchable heroes, people that people look up to, I feel like there's certain presidents that we have had in our past and like, wow, they've done something. You're like, ooh, like definitely they failed you. They no longer were a hero and obviously they're not in our everyday life. But I also have other people. That man, I knew them well, we had relationships with them and they were just like pastors or people that I looked up to in my church and they decided that they were gonna explore drinking and they eventually left the ministry and church, divorced their wife and they walked away from God. So people that was like, wow, they have it all together and I'm like, wow, they actually at some point took their eyes off Jesus, walked away and left everything behind and I was so disappointed. I remember just, even just as a teenager, how that affected just my view, but just my faith, even.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, it's shocking and not to put them down because that's not the point of this episode or this podcast, but it's shocking because we think they can do no wrong and we love them and we're grateful for how they're modeling Jesus.

Dawn Rosinger:

I'm really thankful now, though, that I realize that my faith is not put in a person at all, because people will fail us, like I understand. My faith is solid because my faith is in Jesus and not people so that's helped me as I've gotten older.

Travis Rosinger:

Such a great point. I know for me, growing up too as a young pastor and I first started out almost 30 years ago there was a man who led a large church and was revered as one of the greatest speakers in the US and incredible growing church and just doing a really, really good job communicating the Bible, and we would read his books as I went to school to be a pastor and even for a master's degree. But then now it seems like that same man is starting to rewrite the Bible to make it convenient, for His theology is definitely changing. It's not correct anymore, and so it's like oh, what's going on? I mean, you used to stand for truth and what's right, and now he's just kind of anything goes, and so it's so sad.

Travis Rosinger:

But I think what we're getting at is heroes are human, heroes are needed, but heroes can also fail us and even though they fail us, we still need them desperately, and I think we especially need everyday heroes, like those of you that are listening Now. We also need to know what it takes to be a hero Again, even though we can get disappointed or let down by our heroes. We need to analyze that and think okay, what is a hero. What does it mean? And so one thing I always try to remember whenever a famous hero fails us, or an everyday hero I know fails us, I always try to remember that there are a thousand more other heroes who have never failed us and never will you see?

Travis Rosinger:

I think that evil tries to get us to think that if somebody in the church that's really powerful and successful and does a great job, if they fail us, well, all the leaders are bad in the church. Or if somebody you know, a politician, if they fail us and they do bad things in the White House, well then they're all bad. You know every less and you know what. That's not true. There are so many great famous heroes out there, but especially everyday heroes.

Dawn Rosinger:

We keep saying the word hero or heroes. What is a hero? Well, according to Oxford Languages Dictionary, a hero is a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements or noble qualities.

Travis Rosinger:

That's good, I love that.

Dawn Rosinger:

According to Miriam Webster's Dictionary, a hero is a person admired for achievements and noble qualities, one who shows great courage. Those are great definitions and, with those definitions in mind, we believe that there's really only one perfect, one ultimate hero. Yes, there are many heroes that will never fail us and are worth learning from their positive example, but none of them are perfect. They will all make mistakes, they will all fail short, if you think about it we will all fail short.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh man, I let you down all the time, don, and okay, maybe you never let me down.

Dawn Rosinger:

I just kidding.

Travis Rosinger:

I always let you down, but you know we're not perfect, and that's so true.

Dawn Rosinger:

Because we're humans, so humans will always let each other down.

Travis Rosinger:

Yes.

Dawn Rosinger:

But you know what? There is the perfect hero, the ultimate hero in his name is Jesus. Jesus is the one true hero. So, when you think of the pain, the rejection and the agony that Jesus went through to not only demonstrate love but to actually provide us a bridge to God, an example of one who is love, no one else in all of history ever will compare Wow, jesus is the ultimate hero, the one true hero.

Dawn Rosinger:

He's the one all of us should be looking to and for how to be successful in our jobs and our relationships and our marriage with our kids as parents. That's where we should, that's the person we should be following, the one that we idolize.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and I think we need to say that out loud. I think we need to remind ourselves of that because, I mean, as we look at our lives, I mean what is the world due to us right now? There are so many distractions, so many places we can lay our attention or our ambitions or our energy, and we have to say it out loud and say wait a second. Jesus is the one we're supposed to be looking at he's the ultimate hero and redirect our focus.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yep, absolutely. Our eyes need to be fixed on him. So, if we just think about it, jesus is also the ultimate influencer. Honestly think the Bible has been read more than any book in the history of the world, and the effects of his influence are littered in every single corner of human history.

Travis Rosinger:

Man so true.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, all of the Old Testament points to Jesus, and the lives of those after him continue to point back to him and his great sacrifice on the cross. Let's just listen to what Jesus says as he talks about what it means to be a true hero and the greatest kind of love we will ever see on this earth. He says this in John 15, greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends for everything that I learned from my father I have made known to you Again. That's John 15, 13 through 15, man. Those are great verses.

Travis Rosinger:

And they really are. I mean, as we think about what Jesus said here, these verses, there's just so much packed into them. I mean great truths, but also Jesus is connecting his heart to ours when he's like, hey, I no longer call you servants, but I call you friends. And so, as I think about that, I mean Jesus in these verses from the Bible. I mean he's really sharing his heart of wanting to be close with each one of us as individuals. But I don't know, as you listen to this us, read that and the words of Jesus, did you hear what else he went on to say? I mean, if we could sum it up, it would be this he pretty much said look guys, I'm your friend, but I'm about to become your hero, because he was talking about someone who had laid down their life for their friends. That's the greatest kind of love yeah.

Travis Rosinger:

And then he was saying you're my friends and we know that. Then he went on very quickly to give his life, to die on the cross for the sins of the world. So if you think of the whole of Jesus' words, we can't help but understand the reality that he was saying, that he was about to die for them, for his friends, and that is again the greatest kind of love when someone will die for someone else. So here's kind of the point. True heroes put aside their own needs, their selfish desires, their plans to climb the ladder, to get the platform and to become rich and famous. That's what true heroes do. So a person who is married those of you that are listening you might ask well, can't my spouse just be my hero? And I think that's a great question.

Dawn Rosinger:

Right, yeah, I mean, I would hope you would ask that question about me, don. Oftentimes people will say that their spouse is your hero. I've heard that quite a bit. You missed the joke. You are my hero.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh, the song that was in our wedding.

Dawn Rosinger:

Did you ever know that you're my?

Travis Rosinger:

hero Right.

Dawn Rosinger:

And from back in the day. I keep thinking of that song this whole time, as we're talking about heroes and I know we're griffing off.

Travis Rosinger:

But some people want to idolize their spouse, so they want their spouse to be their hero. But honestly, here's the problem. We expect our heroes to be perfect or nearly perfect, and so when they fall, let us down or get into trouble, what happens? We naturally are disappointed and devastated.

Travis Rosinger:

And that's really why hero worship never works. Let me say that again hero worship, it's never going to work. Why? Because the only one who deserves our worship and our greatest adoration through following his example is Jesus. That's good. That's good Jesus.

Travis Rosinger:

And maybe it's possible that you're getting tired of us saying the name of Jesus on this episode or on this podcast and honestly I hope you are Because we want everything that we do as a married couple and our lives to point to Jesus.

Travis Rosinger:

But think about it this way the Bible says that Jesus humbled himself to the point of death and he did it to save us from our sins, from the penalty of death. He did it so that we could be close to God again. So let's kind of get practical here. What does that look like in your marriage, in your everyday relationships? Are you ready to take the path of the ultimate influencer, like you said, don, of the one true hero this world has ever seen? If you are, think it through Jesus' commitment to love us and the pain that he endured as they tortured him, they punched him, they drove that crown of thorns into his head and they ultimately nailed him to a cross. All that he endured proves that he is truly worthy of our worship. Again, if you think about it, jesus' life and attitude should be the hero of our marriages, the focus, and we need that in our marriage.

Travis Rosinger:

We need an example, because my example is going to fail you, don, and your example is going to fail me. So who do we look to so that we can model the right behavior to our spouse?

Dawn Rosinger:

Honestly, if we stop and think a little bit more, if we put all of our hope and our trust in our spouses, we're going to get let down every single time. Why? Because we're human and we're flawed and we do weird, goofy things at times, but our solid foundation the reason that we're so passionate about that is our solid foundation is Jesus. If Jesus was not the rock of our own personal lives and our marriage, man, it would be an absolute wreck. Don't you think, Travis? They?

Travis Rosinger:

would be awesome. I can't even imagine what our lives would look like.

Dawn Rosinger:

So what can we do to draw strength from Jesus, the greatest example, the greatest hero, and allow him to improve our marriages and attitudes? Well, jesus endured humiliation, so here's what we can do by following his example, we can allow ourselves to be disrespected without becoming immediately offended, and we can choose to forgive quickly. And I'm not talking about punching someone or being humiliated like in a way that's honestly abusive. I'm talking about those little things that, honestly, we should be able to just let go and know that sometimes people have a bad day or they're saying the wrong thing, and don't immediately get offended and take it to a grave and become bitter over those things.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, I think we have so much pride within ourselves, within our marriage, that when our spouse just does something slight that offends us, or slight that makes us feel, you know, less than or humiliated in some small way, we suddenly are like wait, I got a fight for my rights.

Travis Rosinger:

I got to stand up for myself and what we really need to do is think of Jesus and go man. He endured humiliation. I can get over the fact that you didn't give me a fork as I sat down to eat. You got everybody else a fork, but you didn't give me one. You know simple things like that. But endure humiliation, get over it.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know, jesus also lived a very uncomfortable and simple life. So here's what we can do. We can let go of our selfish demands to have the best of everything or to always feel like our personal needs are more important than everyone else, especially our spouses. So just look at their needs above our own right, like just honestly stop and say, hey, maybe they get the bigger piece of pie than my own. You know, I want it, but that's a simple thing. But that's so simple though.

Travis Rosinger:

It seems simple, but selfishness is more natural. And so you know, wanting the best of everything for me, Travis, like why wouldn't I? You know, I want you to give me the best and make sure that I you know I have a comfortable life, right, yeah, but I love the way that Jesus lived. It was very uncomfortable and simple, and so I think I need to get with that.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yes, absolutely. You know. Another incredible thing that our hero Jesus did is that he thought primarily about the needs of others. So what can we do? We can choose to start putting our energy and focus into making sure that the people around us have what they need and feel God's love, especially our spouse. When have you ever just stopped and say you know, what do I think my spouse needs in this moment, and putting his needs above my own?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, because you know, like we just talked about, it's easy to wake up selfish, but waking up and saying, hey, what could I do right now to make sure that my spouse thrives today, that, like this, is the best day of their life that they've ever lived, and really just having kind of that focus that Jesus had towards our spouse, right.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know. Lastly, probably the most important thing that our hero Jesus did is that he gave his life away. So what can we do? We can begin to sacrifice for our spouse in ways we've never dreamed of before, along with becoming a person who sacrifices themselves for those around us. We can give our life away through thoughtfulness, maybe through kindness, loving actions, encouraging words and through affection. We can constantly be giving what we have inside of us and to others. We can give that to our spouses especially, but everyone around us.

Travis Rosinger:

We totally can and of course we need to ask God's Holy Spirit to fill us and make sure that we're balanced. Obviously we don't give to the point of depletion, but, man, as we're asking God to help us, supernaturally, we are able to do those things. And really, again, it's just changing that focus and saying I'm just going to pour my life away, I'm going to pour all the love that God gives me into you, don.

Dawn Rosinger:

Which it just can be hard, because we are kind of just selfish people, like there are certain things I want, and not for any particular reason, but I just want them, like I want the house to be at a certain temperature versus you know, and that's again. That's just such a simple little thing. But there are things that I want that, hey, maybe I just need to stop and say, hey, is this something that that is just so little that I can give away, I can be flexible in? I mean, jesus gave his life away.

Travis Rosinger:

He totally did. And sometimes it's just about control. I want control, you want control, we want to call the shots, but I'm glad that we can take the path of Jesus. So, hey guys, why did we kick off this episode with talking about how you guys are heroes, when Jesus is the ultimate hero? Well, the reason why we said that is because it takes great effort, it takes intentionality, it takes sacrifice to be willing to model the life that Jesus lived to others and to us, travis and Don. That is heroic, it is yes.

Dawn Rosinger:

You are heroes, you are.

Travis Rosinger:

And heroism is not being an actor using a stuntman or singing on a stage while your lips sinking to the recording or having your picture taken just so that it can be cleaned up with Photoshop to look perfect.

Travis Rosinger:

No, heroism is living like Jesus in your everyday life and especially in your marriages. It's showing Jesus to your spouse through your attitude, your behavior and through the love that you give them. I think it's like one of the coolest things in the world that the Bible says that when a man and a woman love each other in a marriage, it actually reflects the love that Jesus has for his church, for us, and so we, as we wrap up this episode, we want to end with possibly the most powerful marriage verse in the Bible, and it's about our hero Jesus. Here's what it says in your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing. By taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself, became obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Dawn Rosinger:

Wow, that's incredible. I think one of the things that we do when we have heroes in our life, we try to be like them. Right, we want to be like them. We try to mimic their behaviors, we try to mimic their attitude, and if Jesus is our ultimate hero, that's who we're going to begin to mimic, that's who we're going to begin to look like, that's who we're going to try to be like in all of our relationships and especially in our marriage. So what we're saying is let Jesus be your ultimate hero, because he is the one who will never, ever disappoint.

Travis Rosinger:

I couldn't agree more. He's the one and only we should be emulating in our lives, in our marriages.

Dawn Rosinger:

Absolutely Well with that. We just want to thank you guys for listening to this episode of the Loving the Fight Marriage Podcast. Remember, you can do it. You got this. Keep loving the fight. We'll see you next time.