Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast

Episode 167 | A Marriage Super Power

• Travis Rosinger and Dawn Rosinger

Share episode

Does every marriage, every couple have a superpower lying just below the surface of their relationship?? YES! Every couple has an ability to band together in a common cause to make others feel like royalty and in the process their own marriage is strengthened and unified. What is that power and why is it beneficial to the couple's marriage to use it?

Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger as they discuss a fairly overlooked attitude and action that most relationships can use to gain "wins" for their marriage. They delve into a concept that mixes loving strangers well and opening your own home to reflect the love of Jesus. This is an episode that will inspire and challenge you to think more clearly about how well you are caring for others with your spouse through simple but powerful hospitality. You won't want to miss it!

Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping -  What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You

For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight

Travis Rosinger:

Well, if you've had a really hard week and it seemed to drag on, maybe feeling like you're walking through a desert without water, or maybe it's been the best week of your life, regardless, we're glad that you're tuning in. We want to be that oasis of water, that encouragement for your soul, for your life, but especially for your relationships and your marriage. Well, hey, my name is Travis and I am here with my wife, dawn, and we want to welcome you to the Loving the Fight Marriage Podcast.

Dawn Rosinger:

Hey everyone, it's so great to be with you here today and honestly, I just have to echo what Travis said. Yeah, we would love to be that oasis for you or feel like, hey, you just need that fresh drink of water, and hopefully we can provide that for you today. Along the way, we're doing the same thing that you guys are. We're married and we're just loving the fight and just hanging in there and just trying to enjoy the journey.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and life is all about keeping one foot in front of the other, but filling your bucket as you need it, and so that's something I think you kind of alluded to, that, dawn. We're always trying to fill our own buckets. We're always trying to keep putting that one foot in front of the other, and so today we've got a really great episode, one that we're excited about because it's near and dear to my heart. But we've had a really fun last couple of weeks.

Travis Rosinger:

We're coming out of the holidays, yeah we are so we've been partying hard, not with alcohol, but with our friends and Jesus, and just having a great time. But, man, we are glad that you guys are listening.

Dawn Rosinger:

And I'm sure many of you guys have done the same. The last couple of months we have had lots of different people over from Thanksgiving on, where we've probably hosted about eight to 10 times, and either large groups, which we love to have large groups. We also love to just connect with people, maybe another couple and just on a deeper level, but we love inviting people into our home for a chance for them to get to know us, see our home, not because we have an amazing home, but honestly we just want them to know who we are and just really connect with them on a deeper level.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, that's a powerful thing, Isn't it Dawn? Yeah, we can know everybody in our lives, you know. Know them at work, know them at church, know them in the marketplace, you know, or at the grocery store. But when people come into your home, there's like magic, right. There's something special chemistry that takes place.

Dawn Rosinger:

You're kind of opening your soul to other people and you're like hey you're doing laundry and you're dust and everything else that comes with the house.

Travis Rosinger:

If you don't clean before they show up, you're like hey, this is who I am, you know, take me or leave me, and so there's something really really special about that and we're kind of addicted to it.

Dawn Rosinger:

We are We've been a part of our marriage since the beginning. We've always wanted to have people in our home. Um, it kind of you know we we do it because we just love people, but then also it's just a way to really connect quickly with people. It feels like it just catapults the relationship when you invite them over to your home. Well, we've done this so much so in our life that honestly, I think our kids kind of grew up in an environment where man, mom and dad are having people over again and lots of people and lots of kids. So it kind of became a part of who they are as well and I love hearing when they have you know, when they host and how they host. But we were at our sons just this last weekend and they had an epic New Year's Eve party.

Travis Rosinger:

It was amazing, it was huge.

Dawn Rosinger:

They're just in a stage two where they have three little kids and all of their friends have little kids. So I think there was maybe 10 adults and like 20 kids, like all six and under.

Travis Rosinger:

Little bodies flying everywhere having fun. You know, eating it's funny. All the desserts were disappearing from the the food tables and moms and dads are like oh they haven't had anything yet and we're watching them take like 40 cookies.

Dawn Rosinger:

We were watching from a grandparents perspective. We were. It was funny. You can see the chocolate on their face and they're like, oh, they just took that. And their parents said, no, cause they're talking, and it was, I just was. It was so excited, you know, to see my kids entertain and you know practice hospitality in this way, because the minute people walked in their door, you know they asked what they needed. They showed them where everything was. They were just making sure that their needs were met, communicating with them and making sure that everyone felt like they belong and that they were seen. And it's just, I was so proud of them. That's something that I feel like we've wanted to be a part of our marriage, and to see now our kids carrying on this same thing that we feel like is important. So today we actually just want to take some time and just talk about this thing called hospitality.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and hospitality is something we're passionate about, something that our kids do so so well. They care deeply about others but, honestly, hospitality is a marriage superpower. It is. I've been thinking, I think you alluded to why because you know we'll dig way more into it in a little bit, but it's literally like getting into a time machine with the people that you love and you care about, and it time warps like you kind of alluded to that relationship forward by a year or two years. There's something powerful about it.

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, hospitality is just an important in so many ways individually, but it's really important in your marriage because, honestly, as a couple, you get to do this together and you get to have a lasting impact on people all around you. If you maybe have an attitude of hospitality that will be a part of your marriage, you will actually have this same attitude towards each other and wanting to meet the needs of each other as well. So it's just again, it's just a vital part of marriage that I feel like it's fun as well.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and it's a vital part of marriage, what we would call a marriage superpower, something that a couple can do together. That's unifying, but it's often overlooked. I mean, it's often overlooked. Or maybe people are just like, well, we'll meet online or we'll meet at a coffee shop, and then they mess out on this incredible thing. So why would we suggest that you cultivate a desire and a skill for hospitality? Well, because it's something you can do to breathe life into your marriage and into your home. It is, yeah, it's so good. Now you might be on the fence and you might be thinking, oh, I don't know about that, I don't love opening my home. I got to clean it top to bottom, all of that.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, we make it way too hard. It doesn't have to be that hard, yeah.

Travis Rosinger:

I think we do. I think what's important is, sure, get your house clean, but don't kill yourself. No, just know that you can have people over and it's OK for them to see things not exactly perfect, not everybody's baseboards are free of dust or their vents, or their fan blades or stuff that microwave fans little areas that sometimes we focus on way too much.

Dawn Rosinger:

Everybody has problems with those areas.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh, man and we don't want to let a little speck of dust or dust bunnies get in the way of us being able to connect and be a team and host, and so we want to encourage you to just keep listening to this episode. We're going to dig in a little bit more to that question about why cultivated desire and a skill for hospitality. Well before we can really answer that, we got to go down and kind of drill down further and just get simple what on earth is hospitality?

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, let's just talk about that. What is hospitality? What is?

Travis Rosinger:

it. Well, according to dictionarycom, here's their definition it's the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers.

Dawn Rosinger:

I like the word friendly.

Travis Rosinger:

Yes, Like a jump down a knee too.

Dawn Rosinger:

And then also strangers Like I like that definition Like not only people you know, but strangers. Friendly you know mean friendly to strangers.

Travis Rosinger:

That actually surprised me. It seemed weird at first and then I was like oh, but I really like that, like hospitality to people that we don't really know very well, and Jesus even said that. He said, look, if you're just kind of the people that you know, you're related to or that are nice to you back then what have you gained? And Jesus is like no, no, no show, hospitality, show love to strangers. So that's really cool. Well, wikipedia puts it this way they say hospitality is the relationship of a host towards a guest, wherein the host receives the guest with some amount of goodwill and welcome, and this, of course, includes the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors or strangers. There's that word again, strangers. But this is kind of a cool definition as well, because it talks about goodwill.

Dawn Rosinger:

Right, yeah, I think the reason I like the definition there in Wikipedia is because I like what it talked about. It's the relationship of a host towards a guest, because that's two totally separate roles and so, honestly, hospitality is more about the host and what they're portraying, what they're giving.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, there's a relationship and there's a goal that the host has, a goal of you know and growing that relationship, of making sure that that person really enjoys themselves. Well, I think one of the coolest things about this marriage superpower. This thing Don you and I can do together. Other couples can do together. We can succeed. We can have relational wins side by side as we serve people and welcome them into our home. One of the other cool things about it is hospitality is in the Bible.

Dawn Rosinger:

It is, it's quite a few places.

Travis Rosinger:

All over in the Bible, if you think about it. I mean certainly there are verses that literally just say, hey, be hospitable or show hospitality. But then there are I mean just example after example of incredible hospitality that are shown to other people and we need, we need to be people that learn from those examples.

Travis Rosinger:

I mean I even think of the parable of the good Samaritan. And what did the good Samaritan? The Samaritan was considered a rejected person in their society, but this rejected person, this person that people thought was an outcast, was the one that showed hospitality to the man that had been beat up and left for dead on the road. I mean, he showed incredible hospitality. But here's the cool thing too, is that this word hospitality in the Greek it comes from the word philonexia, and philonexia means love for strangers.

Dawn Rosinger:

Is that right? There's a stranger? Yep, I think the Bible has impacted a lot of dictionaries.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, I think so too, and a lot of different research places, but it means warmth shown to strangers. It remains the readiness to share hospitality by entertaining one's home, and this type of entertaining I think what it's alluding to is is kind of like what you talked about, about really making the guest feel welcome and feel loved. I think that's really important. Now again, the Greek word, phyllo-nexia. Here's what's fascinating about this Greek word straight out of the Bible. If you think about it, it's really two words that are put together Phylos, which is the first part of that word, means friend, and Xenos, or the second part of that word, means a stranger. And so that's how, according to Helps Word studies like that's how we get you know the word hospitality, right yep.

Travis Rosinger:

It's literally from the Bible. It means warmth, you know. It means love, or kind of shown you know to a stranger, right yep.

Dawn Rosinger:

I think it's really good to understand what does hospitality actually mean in the definition. But we're gonna go actually dive a little bit deeper into what hospitality actually is and but we're gonna start off on the opposite. We're gonna talk about really quick what it is not, cause I think sometimes we confuse this. But hospitality is not entertaining, or you know, honestly, we'll turn that around Entertainment is not hospitality. According to Lifewaycom, entertaining is an elaborate, host-centered spectacle where visitors are invited to admire the host's fine things and accomplish skills. Hospitality, on the other hand, has nothing to do with potpourri or appetizers and everything to do with putting others first. Hospitality focuses on serving, encouraging and giving value to others. I love how they point out that hospitality is not entertaining.

Dawn Rosinger:

We're like, hey, we're gonna entertain. We've been to people's houses before that or honestly had mansions. Just we walk in, or like this is amazing. We walked up to a doorway and it was like 20 feet tall and we had to knock on this and we walked in and they were entertaining us at night. Cause we left and we necessarily didn't want to come back, cause we got to see their beautiful things and their beautiful home, have great food. But the whole time we were there we didn't feel like we belonged, we didn't feel like we were seen. It was just an awkward time and we left, or like no, they were entertaining us, they weren't showing us hospitality.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, it was almost like we were on a tour for a parade of homes and we were there to just experience their things or experience their ability to be hospitable in opulence, but then we'd bend other people's homes who have mansions, and they just hug you. And they make you feel like royalty and they make you feel seen and really it really doesn't matter. It's just some people have a heart to wanna project that warmth to, even if you're a stranger. That friendliness, that warmth, and it's such a good thing.

Dawn Rosinger:

I think it's just key to remember that, honestly, entertaining is not hospitality. So just because you have someone over for dinner doesn't mean that you're showing them hospitality cause hospitality? We're gonna go on now and just explain a little bit what hospitality is.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah well, hospitality, just to be clear, is an action. It is love in action. And so where do we get that Greek word that we just talked about a little bit ago? Well, it comes right out of Romans 12, and we'll just read it. Verse nine is where it begins and you can feel that love in action. Here's what it says. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. I feel that hospitality bubbling up already. Here's what it says never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. And then it ends with this share with the Lord's people who are in need practice hospitality.

Dawn Rosinger:

And there you go. That's right there. Tells us to practice hospitality.

Travis Rosinger:

Practice hospitality. That's that Philonisia word of where it's combining friend with that love towards a stranger, so being able to practice it. But I think there's some things there that are important honor one another above yourselves, and so when we've experienced great hospitality or our guests have experienced that, we walk away feeling honored. Right, absolutely. Do your guests walk away from you as a husband and wife, as you've had people in your home or you've experienced them somewhere else and you hosted them? Did they feel?

Dawn Rosinger:

honored, did they walk away going.

Travis Rosinger:

oh my gosh, I've felt seen, I'm important. I want to come back.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yep, it's a whole start from the time that they ring the doorbell to the time that they leave. It's everything in between making them feel welcome, meeting their needs, making sure that your guests are the highest priority and that you are just making sure that all of their needs are met. I love the concept of hospitality. When you are in an environment where someone is truly being hospitable, you can feel it Because, honestly, hospitality is an action. Well, hospitality is also it's an attitude.

Dawn Rosinger:

I know yesterday, when we were driving home, I looked at you and I'm like, wait, is hospitality a personality trait? Like, is it? I know, yeah, I was just questioning it. So what did I do? I Googled it. I'm like, hey, let me Google it. And I couldn't find it anywhere that hospitality was a personality trait. But what I did find a few times is that hospitality is just it's an attitude. According to the gift of hospitalitycom, hospitality, at its core, it's an attitude. It's an attitude of generosity. It says you are a welcome here, it anticipates the needs of guests or strangers. It makes someone want to stay a little longer, it makes someone want to come back again. It has a power to this armed people as they let their guard down and settle in it lets someone know that you care Like. You cannot get a better definition of what hospitality is, when it comes to an attitude, than that. That's what hospitality is.

Travis Rosinger:

Honestly, it's completely opposite of narcissism selfishness, just having your eyes fully focused on yourself. I believe that'd be egocentrism. I mean, it's like no, my life right now, as you are in my home or I'm hosting you somewhere else, my life is all about you. It's all about you.

Dawn Rosinger:

I know when I have left in the past like we left a church and I've said goodbye. I remember one year we left and I was saying goodbye to my coworkers who I just loved and I remember writing in their car a quote that I heard from a movie, but it's something I want to really live by and the quote is this they may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. That's when I think of hospitality in a whole, I think of man. How are you making people feel Everything in my life, like with my coworkers? The reason I put that in their cart is I want them always to remember how I made them feel, that I make them feel special and loved and seen and known. That's just the heart of hospitality. What is hospitality? Hospitality is also it's inclusive. Another difference between hospitality and entertaining is actually who's going to be invited to the party right, who's invited? Hospitality honestly extends invitations to everybody. It doesn't matter their age, their economic status, their gender. Hospitality is just inclusive.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and that's so important because I mean, if you think about Jesus, did Jesus have favorites? No, not at all. Did Jesus like people because they had money or didn't have money? I mean, did he like people because they were popular and powerful or because they were unknown, weak and forgotten, Right? No, he included everybody.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, he was actually often criticized for including everybody. The Pharisees did not like him because he always included everybody.

Travis Rosinger:

He was the ultimate included and if you have that gift man, use that gift. I know, don, you and I, when we take our strength finder tests or whatever they come back, that we're both includeers. We don't want anybody sitting by themselves or being outcasts in life, and so we enjoy including people and honoring them and loving them and serving them. But if it's something that you don't have, that you need to work at, certainly we need to develop that within us. But it's also like we talked about it's a choice. It's something that we can choose to do and it gets easier, it gets better.

Dawn Rosinger:

I know I have a hard time often walking into a room or being in a room, if I'm talking with someone and then I notice someone over the corner of my eye, that they're just all by themselves. It's like I cannot focus on the person I'm talking to anymore. I'm like I got to go. I got to go to them. I got to, you know, make sure that they feel like they belong, that they're being seen, and oftentimes I'll, you know, I'll walk over there, I'll pull them over, I'll introduce two people, so then one person's not alone in them. But it's just ingrained in me. I cannot stand it when people are all alone. I just want them to feel like they belong, cause that's the worst feeling is to walk in somewhere and, like man, I just don't feel like I should be here, yeah, and and it's funny you say that, cause that's exactly the way I feel.

Travis Rosinger:

I can't relax or enjoy myself if I feel like somebody's all by themselves. I can't either at all.

Travis Rosinger:

It's just the worst, it's like torture in my brain. And so I know recently we were hanging out with some people. I'm like I just love talking to this person hanging out with them, but I also realized they weren't connecting with anybody else and they would come up to me and talk to me and so, man, I wanted to go out of my way to engage them and make them feel comfortable and try to get them connected and other conversations with other people so they felt included, right.

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, we know that hospitality is an action, it's an attitude, it is inclusive, but it is also one thing that we often, always remember is that hospitality can be shown everywhere you go. Oh, my yes, you don't have to just invite them over to your house to practice hospitality. No, everywhere you go, you can practice hospitality.

Dawn Rosinger:

wherever you're not the new person, you can show hospitality to someone who is new, or whenever you see a need, you can be the one to meet that need, and you can. You know, I don't know, you can just practice it everywhere. I feel like people limit themselves, like, okay, now you're in my home, I'm not that's the only time I'm gonna practice hospitality. No, how about at church or in school, family gatherings or at work? Like, practice hospitality everywhere you go. I know one thing, travis, that you do. I've wanted to mention this before.

Dawn Rosinger:

Oh man trouble, no you're always so concerned if people have something to drink Like, so much so that you ask constantly, hey, can I get you a drink, or if you're drinking something, if you're drinking something, even if we're out somewhere, you know like not at home, you're like, hey, can I get you a drink or do you want a drink? You know you're just always concerned of making sure that people are well hydrated. I do that with food too. You do.

Travis Rosinger:

Yes, every now and then I'll empty our cupboard or our fridge. When we have people over, I'm like, hey, would you like some food? And then I give them 40 options, which is horrible.

Dawn Rosinger:

But I just think it's so important that people realize that you can practice hospitality, because it's an attitude. And that attitude and that action should be carried with you everywhere. It should be a part of our DNA, just ingrained in us. Because, why? Because, honestly, it's in the Bible. The passage you just read said practice hospitality.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, show love for all those other people. Well, hey, why practice hospitality? What are the benefits? We want to give you a couple of things really quickly, as we kind of wind this episode down and talking about this marriage superpower we think it is. We think it's helpful to marriage to bond you as a team in your home or out in wherever you're at out and about. But here's a couple of really quick ideas that are huge benefits. When you practice hospitality, man, it's fulfilling what God wants, god again all over in His word. The Bible says to be hospitable. It even says to show hospitality to strangers because you might be entertaining angels.

Travis Rosinger:

Like angels sent from heaven.

Dawn Rosinger:

So it's all over in the Bible, which would be so cool. Wouldn't that be amazing? It would be amazing, it would be great. I hope I would pass the test.

Travis Rosinger:

I know, I hope so too, but here's the thing too. It's like we see these examples, but it also another benefit that makes us closer to Jesus. I mean, jesus was not only the ultimate included, but the greatest person when it comes to hospitality. Greatest example, Huge hospitality, like his first miracle, was at a wedding where he turned water into wine, and that wasn't his job, but he was willing to do it and he fed about the 5,000 and the 4,000.

Dawn Rosinger:

Like he fed a lot of people, like that was hospitality.

Travis Rosinger:

So you're blaming me for giving to people too much to drink and too much to eat. But you guys get the idea. It also is a benefit because you experience rich and deep community. What does it do? It removes loneliness.

Dawn Rosinger:

That's the best. That means that no one's gonna be standing in a room all alone by themselves.

Travis Rosinger:

Including yourself, when you open your home and you invite all those people over. It's so powerful, it changes your soul. It also increases gratitude. When you serve others, it's like, wow, I appreciate being served, I appreciate the feeling of being honored and loved, and so when you do that for others, then you start to realize the value of what it's like to receive that. And lastly, iron sharpens iron. So when you are around others with faith and similar values, you all become stronger together, and that is such a powerful super power. I think so, too. A couple in their marriage.

Dawn Rosinger:

I just wanna throw in something really quick. I think I wanna just take off the pressure that people may feel of, hey, my house isn't clean enough or big enough or whatever. Like, honestly, that's a lie. Like when I go into a person's house, it doesn't matter to me what it looks like or how clean it is. Honestly, it's more how they make me feel I could go into the messiest house and a person could love me and I would just think that I was in like a mansion in heaven. Like it all comes down to how they make me feel and so I just wanna take off the pressure. Like don't feel like you have to have your fine china Paper plates work great.

Travis Rosinger:

You can have paper plates.

Dawn Rosinger:

You can have, honestly, just some butcher paper and throw some chips and salsa and like, just eat from there. It doesn't matter what it was. You can have generic pop if you want or generic cheese. It doesn't have to be the best of everything, cause sometimes entertaining you know, entertaining can get expensive. A hospitality is just honestly that feeling that can be.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh, it's serving a loving people. Yeah, I know there countries both of us and Ben and Holmes where they're just dirt floors and people gave us their best and they honored us and we were like, oh, I'd come back here a thousand times. I love that you said that, Don.

Dawn Rosinger:

You know what. I just wanna end with this. So I wanna ask you all how are you doing at this? Have you thought about what you could be missing out on by not showing hospitality in your home or out in public or at work? Are you maybe you taking the steps to make everyone feel comfortable and welcomed and taking the part as a host, or are you always continually taking the part as a guest and having others serve you? So where? What is your role? Are you the host or are you the guest? And honestly, as couples, as married couples, are you host or are you guest? Are you practicing hospitality on a regular basis? This is a key ingredient, I think, to a healthy marriage.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and maybe this is a little extreme. But let me throw in another question who do you most want to be aligned with Jesus and serving others, or yourself in selfishness? That's a little extreme, a little bit hard, but it's a challenging question I have to ask myself. Start with me and you Don.

Dawn Rosinger:

And on the bright side, hospitality is a blast. You will get to know so many cool people. It's just incredible.

Travis Rosinger:

And have great experiences. Well, hey, with that guys, we wanna thank you for listening to this episode of the Loving the Fight Marriage Podcast.

Dawn Rosinger:

Remember, guys, you can do it. You got this. Keep loving the fight. We'll see you next time, Thank you.